Pacifying. Blank. Falling. Quick.
It is wet, but dry on the field. It is scary, but comforting on the field. She lsays there in the field, sleeping, dreaming, as usual. He lays down beside her and says, “Who are you?”
Yes, who exactly is this quiet, oblivious girl? She is The Dreamer. She is that girl you refuse to notice, the one that’s never quite there, the one who tries to get down from the clouds, the one who’s window has curtains, the one who slams the door in your face, the one who stays up until 3 a.m. watching white noise. (He kicks the ball into her stomach.)
“Who are you?” she asks back, rudeness burning in her voice. “The Promiser” he replies, happiness in his voice. “Then promise me something,” she begged, “don’t leave.” She sounded like she was reading from a script. Pacifying.
***
Her body is happy, her mind in fireworks. He pops up in her head in bright, loud flashes. She distracts herself. In the closet there is darkness. Where there’s darkness, there are dreams. In the cupboard there is dust. Jealousy sparks her. She is jealous of dust. The dust of the few pills The Girl didn’t take. The Dreamer wishes she was those pills. She smells as sweet as the sea. Blank.
***
In the hospital, on a stretcher, in the elevator. Going down. The music from the radio drains her thoughts. Going down. Her hand sweats, She doesn’t want to let go of the red balloon. Her hate her...? Going down. The Girl stares at the back of her head, intimidating. Going down. The plane crashes. Going down. The car loses control. Bur were you really in control of it? Going down. The insects go in her ears, the butterfly into her stomach, the wasp into her heart. Going down. Falling.
***
She walks slowly. It is so huge. She is scared. It’s too dangerous. Things hurrying around her. One is going to hit her and her red balloon she is holding onto, but she can’t see them. Her feet are wet and cold. Ther rest of her body is wet and warm. It is terrible. She can’t breathe. It’s too dark and musty...there he is! He’s scared of flying, but he’s here! The Promiser! Quick.
***
La la la. We’re buying a balloon. I want a red one. La la la.
